


i'll be waiting for you until we meet again

by demistories



Series: so what's one more? [2]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Dreams, Gen, Platonic Soulmates, Soulmates, but you knew that already, warning mentions of college and midterms :/
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 12:00:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15436593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demistories/pseuds/demistories
Summary: “You’re late.”If vague shapes of memory and dream dust could roll their eyes, she did. “Am not,” she says. Her voice echoes through Connor’s mind for a moment before it settles. It’s usually warm and inviting, with a hint of humor that he can pull out if she’s in a good mood, but right now it’s tight with a sharp edge.the one where you can talk to your soulmate in dreams





	i'll be waiting for you until we meet again

**Author's Note:**

> whats up sorry if this is disappointing the characterizations are hella wacky and i just wanted it Done. it gets weird?? im too tired to edit and read it all again just take it tbqh its like. a disaster mess but its done
> 
> zoe and connor are twins in this?? it was a mistype, i wrote twin instead of sister, and i just fucking went for it. i dont know fuck canon ya know? 
> 
> i dont think i need any warnings but like i dont know shit anymore hmu if i have to change that 
> 
> title from dear happy by dodie clark
> 
> enjoy?

“You’re late.” 

If vague shapes of memory and dream dust could roll their eyes, she did. “Am not,” she says. Her voice echoes through Connor’s mind for a moment before it settles. It’s usually warm and inviting, with a hint of humor that he can pull out if she’s in a good mood, but right now it’s tight with a sharp edge. 

“We’re in the same time zone,” Connor says flatly. They’ve known this for years, despite the fact that dreams tend to blur all the details of each other. It’s one of the few things he knows for sure about his soulmate. He doesn’t really know her voice, he’d probably never recognize it in real life, he has no idea what she looks like, he can never remember her name and she can never remember his. Connor knew he wouldn’t be able to get specifics from stories, people never can, but he’s stubborn and gave it a shot. He’d like to know his soulmate beyond just weird dream conversations.  

“So what?” she asks. 

“I went to bed at like one in the morning. I’ve been dreaming for years.” 

She floats closer. “You can’t tell time properly in dreams. You can’t prove anything.” 

“I  _ will  _ wake up and see what time it is,” Connor says. 

She collides with him, in what must be a mental attempt at hitting his arm. He’s read stories from soulmates who’ve figured out each other’s identities online and in books. Once they know each other, they can start to see each other. They can start to become physical. They can start to become  _ real _ . 

Connor floats through the hazy dream world. It’s nothing and everything all at once— a place in his mind but also between his mind and someone else’s. She’s right though, time can’t really be trusted when they’re asleep. 

“You wouldn’t leave,” she scoffs, following after him. 

“Fuck off, I do what I want.”

“You’d miss me,” she says smuggly. And Connor wishes she were corporeal so he could punch the smirk off her. Zoe would disapprove. 

His soulmate’s form drifts a little away from him. “Good luck trying to touch me right now, tough guy.” Thoughts aren’t exactly private in dreams. Though it feels like they’re talking, they really aren’t. They’re just thinking back and forth. 

“What were you doing up so late, though?” Connor asks. “I know you’re intense when it comes to schoolwork, but you’re also scary on top of your freaking…color coded schedule.” 

“Who ever said it was color coded?” she asks. “I prefer to use a numbering system to rank items by importance and urgency.” 

“Yeah, what was I thinking.” 

She floats past him. “Besides, nothing happened. I just got caught up in my work.” 

He grins. “So you admit you’re late.” 

She stops. “I never said that.” 

Connor shrugs. “Okay.” 

They’re in a familiar place now. Familiar in a weird way— it’s not real and it has no defining features, but it  _ feels  _ familiar. Like a place Connor’s been in before. Despite almost twenty years of wandering through this dreamscape, he still doesn’t understand how it works and he’s not smart enough to read the scientific theories on how it does. 

“Do you remember what we were talking about yesterday?” she asks. Her form sinks to the ground — what Connor’s decided is the ground because there’s also really no direction here — and she shifts backwards. Like she’s laying down. Or doing the thought equivalent of that. 

“We were arguing about Bingley.” Connor joins her on the ground, leaning back on his hands. “I still think Jane deserves better than him.” 

“He made a mistake,” she says. “He was listening to people he trusts—” 

“So what, it was a dick move.” 

He feels her gaze on him. “Are you sure your lit professor likes you?” 

“Nope. But I do her readings, so who cares.” 

She snorts. “I suppose that’s valid.” 

“Who gives a shit about being liked?” Connor tilts his head up to stare at the sky. It looks like when he closes his eyelids and presses the base of his palms against them. All swirling colors and blinking dots. 

“I do,” his soulmate says simply. 

Connor looks at her. “I like you,” he says.

She nods. “Good.”

* * *

 

Connor’s always liked his soulmate. Not in a romantic way — she’s been in his head frankly too long for that and they’re both gay as hell — but in a weird friendship way, where they don’t really know anything about each other but Connor’s more comfortable talking to her than maybe any other person on earth. Except for maybe Zoe. But Zoe has the great honor of being his twin and more his other half than his soulmate ever will be. 

His soulmate is like a matching sock. They go well together but they’re totally separate. Zoe is  _ actually _ Connor’s other half, even if they sometimes want to murder each other in cold blood. 

Sometimes, him and his soulmate talk about Zoe. Connor isn’t sure how much of it goes through and sticks, but he knows his soulmate has a younger sister too. 

“Much younger than yours,” she had said. “There’s a seven year age difference between us, as opposed to seventeen minutes.” 

“Still,” Connor had said with a grin, “I’m older.”

* * *

 

“My soulmate and I talked about you,” Connor had told Zoe once when they were in middle school and having a fight over something insignificant.

“Yeah?” Zoe asked. She brandished her butterknife like a sword. “And what’d she say?” 

“She says you’re a bitch.” 

She hadn’t said that, she told Connor they were both being dramatic and that they shouldn’t be arguing, but Zoe couldn’t know that. 

Zoe squawked indignantly. “My soulmate says you’re a  _ dick _ ,” she snaps back. 

“Mine said you’re ugly.” 

“Mine said you’re a butt!” 

“ _ Mine _ ,” their dad interrupted, plucking the knife from Zoe’s hands and dropping it into the sink, “said my kids need to stop yelling before ten in the morning on a Sunday. And also that they should use  _ appropriate language _ if they don’t want to lose their allowance for the week.” 

Connor glared at Zoe. She stuck her tongue out at him. His soulmate told him later that he was being immature.

* * *

 

“What are you doing?” 

Connor turned around. His soulmate was watching him with what felt like a surprised expression but was really just more blank mass of thoughts. “What?” 

“It’s the middle of the day.” She walked closer. “You don’t nap.” 

“Yeah, cause I’m not three.” He frowns. “Wait,  _ you _ nap? I didn’t think you’d have time for it in your schedule.”

“I’m sick,” she says with a shrug. “Flu.” 

“Fuck.” 

She floats away, no longer really paying attention to him. Connor’s found that it’s always harder to stay focused and connected here when he’s sick, she must feel the same. 

“Did you not get a flu shot?” he asks. “Thought you would’ve been on top of that.” 

“Well, vaccines aren’t always completely successful,” she says. “People can get the flu despite the shot, it just lowers your chances of getting it. But also, no, I didn’t. I can’t, I’m allergic to eggs.” 

Connor blinks. “What?” 

“I’m allergic to eggs,” she repeats. 

“How has that never come up before?” 

She shrugs. “Our dietary needs never really come up. Is it really relevant to here?” Her form vaguely gestures to the brainspace around them. 

“Guess not.” 

“I hope you’re not napping in class,” she chides.

“I wasn’t in class when I fell  _ asleep _ ,” Connor says. “And sleeping  _ through  _ class isn’t the same thing—” He cuts himself off as he feels her harsh look. “Dude, it’s midterms. What do you want from me?” 

“For you to stay on top of your school work and be a successful student.” 

“And I want  _ you _ to go to sleep at a fucking human hour,” Connor counters. “We can’t all get what we want.” 

“Excuse me, Mr. Stayed-Up-Until-Four-AM, my sleep schedule is perfectly fine!” 

“I stay up until four  _ one time _ .” 

She goes to say something, but then stops. He feels her watch him. The space around them fades and flickers and Connor knows she’s watching him fade away. 

“You’re waking up,” she says, and in his head, she shoulds almost sad. 

“Feel better,” Connor says quickly as everything falls away from around him and he wakes up. First, slowly. And then, with a jerk when he feels something poking his arm. 

He swings his arm out before his eyes are even open, hitting someone who hits him right back. 

“Fuck off,” Connor grumbles. He pushes his hair out of his eyes and glares at Jared, who gives him an annoying grin. 

“Mornin’, sleeping beauty,” Jared drawls. He drops his backpack and books onto the table in front of Connor. “Glad you’re using up precious library space and study time to catch some z’s.” 

“Are you implying that  _ you’re  _ going to study?” Connor grumbles. “Why’d you wake me up?” 

“We have class in like an hour,” Evan puts a muffin down in front of Connor as he walks up to the table. He’s talking in the hushed voice he always uses in the library, even when they’re on floors where they’re allowed to talk at normal volumes. “Figured you didn’t want to sleep through the review, and you always need time to wake up.” 

“It was just a nap,” Jared says as he collapses into a seat. “Why are you so mad that I woke you up? Were you dreaming something sexy?” He wiggles his eyebrows 

“I’ll stab you,” Connor says at the same time that Evan says, “I’m begging you not to do this.”   
Jared holds up his hands in surrender. “Jesus Christ, calm down you two. I _already_ worry that Connor’s going to stab me in my sleep, we don’t need to legitimize that fear.” 

Connor rolls his eyes and reaches for the muffin. He breaks it in half and holds the other half out to Evan, who takes part of it and puts the rest in the middle of the table. 

“I was talking to my soulmate,” Connor says. “So fuck off.” 

“So what?” Jared asks. He moves for the muffin and Evan hits his hand away. “You’ll talk to them later.” 

“One, you interrupted a conversation. Two, I do not like you. Three, you don’t know that.” Connor leans back in his chair and picks at the muffin. “I’ve never told you a fucking thing about my soulmate, we could be in opposite time zones.” 

“Not everyone can know who their soulmate is in real life,” Evan says, raising his eyebrows at Jared. 

“Maybe I don’t want to know mine if he won’t feed me,” Jared says flatly. 

“I paid for the muffin,” Evan points out. 

“Connor’s eating it!” 

“He bought me pizza last week!” 

Connor looks back and forth between the two of them. For some reason, he’s having a hard time putting it together. He knows, but it won’t click. “Wait, what?” 

Evan and Jared stop arguing and turn to him. 

Evan blinks. “We’re soulmates.” He gestures between him and Jared. “Us.” 

Jared rolls his eyes. “No shit, Hansen.” 

Evan scrunches up his nose and opens his water bottle. “Leave me alone.” 

“I didn’t know you two were soulmates,” Connor says, because his brain is rebooting and he doesn’t know what else to say. “Platonic or romantic?” 

Jared rests his arm on the back of his chair. “Technically platonic, but you know…” He raises his eyebrows at Evan just as Evan takes a sip from his water bottle. 

Evan snorts and slaps a hand over his mouth and nose. Jared pats his back as he coughs. 

“What the  _ fuck _ , Jare?” Evan asks hoarsely between coughs. 

Jared smiles. “You love me.” 

Evan elbows him in the side. 

Connor just keeps staring. He can’t imagine meeting his soulmate. He can’t even imagine  _ knowing her name _ . 

“How’d you find out?” he asks suddenly.

Evan and Jared look at him in surprise. 

“Uh…” Evan glances to Jared, who shrugs. 

“Evan shoved me off the bed.” 

“Hey! That’s— you pushed me first!” 

Jared leans across the table and points his finger in Connor’s face. “This is propaganda, don’t listen to him.” 

Evan yanks him back. “We were having a sleepover when we were eight,” he explains. “And Jared— he’s literally the worst bed hog, like ever. And he kept pushing me off the bed, and I was with my soulmate and I kept, like, uh, flickering?” 

Jared nods. “Like blinking in and out and I was like ‘dude, are you okay?’” 

“So I told him no, my friend keeps pushing my off the bed—” 

“And I told him to push his friend off instead.” 

“And I did,” Evan says with a shrug. “My soulmate disappeared when I pushed Jared off the bed.” 

“I woke up and I was like ‘what the  _ fuck _ ’.” Jared gestures dramatically with his arms. “So I obviously shove Evan off the bed.” 

“Obviously,” Connor says flatly. 

“Yeah! See!” Jared looks at Evan pointedly. Evan rolls his eyes. “Anyway,” Jared continues, “we were yelling at each other for pushing each other off the bed and Ev said ‘my soulmate told me to’—” 

“And Jared  _ swore _ ,” Evan whispers. 

Connor raises an eyebrow. “Wow, look at rebellious bad boy over here.” 

“Listen,” Jared says. “We were eight. It was a big deal. Anyway, we put two and two together and have been inseparable ever since.” He throws an arm around Evan’s shoulder and pulls him close. Evan shoves away, but he’s smiling. 

Connor nods slowly. “So…both of you going to school here…” 

“Fuck no,” Jared says. “They gave us both a ton of money because scholarships and it’s in-state, so it was the least expensive option. And  _ you’re _ stuck with  _ me _ because it’s still too expensive for Evan to live in a dorm instead of at home.” 

“Awesome,” Connor drawls. “The best roommate I could ask for.” 

Jared gives Connor the middle finger.

“He’s sorry for waking you up,” Evan says, grabbing Jared’s hand and dragging it down to the table.

Connor sighs. “It’s whatever, I guess. She’s in the same time zone as us, I’ll probably talk to her tonight.” He glances between the two of them. “It’s weird that you know each other. I don’t even know anyone else who knows their soulmate’s  _ name _ .” 

Jared shrugs. “Pretty normal. I mean, shit dude, I had this friend from an online like, coding class that knew literally fucking  _ everything _ about soulmates. She could drop statistics at the snap of her fingers it was  _ wild _ . Something like thirty six percent of people never even  _ connect  _ with their soulmates, and of those who do I think it’s ninety two percent figure out their soulmate’s identity. Something like…ridiculously high like that.” He pokes Evan’s arm. “We got lottery odds lucky.” 

Evan gives him a half smile. 

Connor reaches for his bag. “So, Evan, you going to teach me how biology works in forty minutes?” 

Evan pulls his gaze away from Jared. “Give me until our midterm, Connor. That, I can work with.” 

* * *

 

“My friends are soulmates,” Connor says. 

She’s slow tonight. He thinks it’s the flu. “Really?” she asks. “How does that make you feel?” 

“You a therapist now?” 

“A terrible one, considering myself. But sure.” 

“I don’t know,” he admits. “It’s like…really fucking weird. Cause that means you’re  _ real _ .” 

“Of course I’m real.” 

“Could’ve fooled me,” Connor mutters. 

He thinks she gives him an incredulous look. “Are you serious?” she asks. 

Connor shrugs. “You know me, I get paranoid. And you’re just in my head.” 

She seems to curl in on herself. “Right. Of course. Sorry.” 

He watches her carefully. “Why are  _ you _ the one apologizing?”

“I… It feels right,” she says slowly. “Like I’m supposed to. I’m no good at having friends.” 

“Me neither.” 

“But you  _ have them _ . I’m…not sure I do.” 

“You’ve got me,” Connor says. 

“That’s different.” 

“Whatever,” Connor mutters. “Do you want to keep arguing about slam poetry or not?” 

“Not tonight,” she says. “I don’t feel good. Which isn’t fair, because I’m not conscious enough to feel.”  

Evan’s said something similar before. That he gets anxious in dreams and he thinks it’s bullshit because he’s not even awake and his brain is being annoying. 

Connor nods. “Right. My sister called me today.” 

His soulmate rests her chin on her knees. “Did she?” 

“Yeah, video called, actually. She finally got a new saxophone and wanted to show me.” His soulmate nods, so Connor keeps talking. He talks as she melts into herself, like she’s falling asleep even within the dream. And he keeps talking until they both fade away and wake up.

* * *

 

Jared slams his phone down in front of Connor. 

“Jesus!” Connor jerks back, almost toppling out of his desk chair. “Jared, what the hell?” 

“I’ve got a case, chill,” Jared says. “Anyway, I got in touch with my friend who knows all this shit about soulmates. She started spouting numbers and sending article links. I swear to god, if we’d been face to face, she would’ve whipped out a powerpoint.” 

Connor looks down at the conversation he’s pulled up as Jared drags his chair over from his desk on the other side of the room. “And?” 

“ _ And _ ,” Jared drawls, “I thought you might want to read them. Since you were talking about them the other day and whatever.” Jared leans back in his chair and Connor absentmindedly wonders if he’s going to tip all the way and hit the floor again. 

“I don’t need  _ science _ —” 

“But it’s nice,” Jared interrupts. 

Connor glares at him. “You  _ know _ your soulmate, Kleinman. You’ve  _ known _ . You don’t get it.” 

Jared rolls his eyes. “Maybe not  _ personally _ , but we’re literally surrounded by people who don’t. I’m not emotionless. I’m an asshole but I understand that it can be fucking shitty.” He taps his screen to keep his phone from locking. “You don’t have to read shit, but Lana’s got this stuff down. If you have questions, it’s way easier to just ask her instead of researching it yourself. There’s a lot of bullshit out there, trust me.” 

“Why should I trust you?” 

Jared crosses his arms over his chest. “You said it yourself, dude. I  _ know _ my soulmate.” 

Connor rubs his temples. “Jared, what fucking time is it?” 

“Like ten thirty, why?” 

“Because it feels like four AM when nothing makes sense.” 

“All of our conversations feel like that, you prick, I’m trying to help you out here.” 

Connor rests his chin in his hand and stares at Jared. “How is this helping me?” 

“You’ve been acting weird.” 

“ _ You’re _ acting weird.” 

“Shut the fuck up and listen to me.” Jared flicks a wrapper off Connor’s desk. “Alana’s been having a weird time with her soulmate, so she started going off about all these statistics and whatever when I vaguely mentioned the subject, and since the convo already happened, I figured it might help you to read it. I can’t read your mind, but you’ve been looking at me and Evan weird. Doesn’t take a genius to figure out the soulmate stuff’s got you fucked up.” 

“It does not have me fucked up.” Connor pushes Jared’s phone away from him. “I don’t need scientific studies to tell me shit, thanks.” 

Jared narrows his eyes, but takes his phone back. “Okay.” He reaches up to the top of Connor’s desk and grabs a stack of sticky notes that Evan left in the dorm. Evan leaves them wherever he spends time, so if need needs to write something down, he always has paper. 

Jared swipes a pen from Connor’s bag and scrawls something down on the sticky note in his chicken scratch writing. “Here,” he says, sticking the note to Connor’s forehead. “If you want to talk to Alana. Just say you’re friends with Kleinman and she’ll know what’s up. You’d think with how smart she is, she’d be better at internet safety, but you’d be wrong.” 

Connor peels off the sticky note as Jared drags his chair back over to his side of the room. “I don’t want this.” 

“Too late,” Jared says. “You already have it.”

* * *

 

“How are you feeling?” Connor asks. It’s been a few days and his soulmate is starting to seem like herself again. At least, from what he can tell with vague movements and whatever counts as vocal tone in their dreams. 

“Better,” she says. “But I’m also dreading all the work I have to make up. I tried to stay on top of my classes, but it was difficult when I was sleeping through most of the day.” 

“I’d say your teachers will understand, but I don’t know if they will.” 

She laughs. “I have an in with a few of them. I’m typically a good student, they know I’m trying my best.” 

“That makes one of us,” Connor mutters. 

“Please tell me you did your homework.” 

Connor thinks about how much of Troilus and Criseyde he’s supposed to have read by tomorrow. “Totally.”

His soulmate scoffs. “Chaucer isn’t  _ that _ bad.” 

“I fucking hate how I can’t keep secrets from you.” He pushes off against some mind dust or whatever and walks away from her, wandering around their dreamscape. “What if I have private stuff I want to dream about?” 

“Gross,” she says. 

“I didn’t—” 

“I  _ know _ what you meant. I  _ always _ know what you mean.” 

He watches her get up and float to another spot in the space. “What’s up?” 

“I’m sick,” she says simply. “I’m never good at feeling things, but it’s worse when I’m sick because I always feel bad.” Her thoughts are too jumbled for Connor to get a good feel of what she’s really thinking about, but he knows that part of it has to do with him. 

“What’d I do?” he asks. 

She turns to look at him. “Nothing.” 

“Well that’s a lie and we both know it.” 

“You didn’t  _ do _ anything, you  _ said _ something.” 

“And I hate how exact you are about things.” He frowns. “Is it because I said I didn’t think you were real, because—” 

“Don’t say you didn’t mean it,” she interrupts. “You can’t lie to me, you know you can’t. I just…” She moves in a way that makes Connor think she’s pulling at her hair. “It’s no fair of me to be upset by something that you and plenty of other people worry about, but it was still jarring. You’re so unbelievably real to me, I…” She sits down. “I don’t have friends.” 

Connor sits down too. He doesn’t move any closer, he just sits down. “I keep saying, you’ve got me.” 

“I don’t know your name, I can’t say it’s the same. We can’t talk about family or see each other’s faces. As much as I love literary discussion and talking about ancient civilizations, I like to imagine that there’s something more intimate about real platonic relationships and not just…this.” She gestures at the space between them. 

“What’s more intimate than knowing each other’s thoughts?” Connor jokes. 

She looks away. 

“My name is Connor,” he says. Because he doesn’t really know what else to say. He’s told her his name before, but it never sticks. It never translates. It fucking sucks. 

She stares at him. “My name is ░░░░░.”

* * *

 

Connor stares at the ceiling. 

Jared is in class right now, because he was a dumbass and took an eight AM lecture. Zoe is still asleep because she has late night ensembles. He ends up pulling his phone out from under his pillow and texting Evan. 

Connor meets Evan in the student center twenty three minutes later, which is exactly how long Evan said it would take him to get there, which is kind of impressive. Connor hands Evan a coffee as Evan sits down across from him. Evan takes a sip, makes a face, and then starts chugging it. 

“Don’t die,” Connor says flatly. He puts a bagel in between them and starts ripping half of it up. 

Evan lowers the paper cup. “Death by coffee, a way to go.” He takes another sip and puts his coffee down on the table. “I think I’m awake now.” 

Connor raises his eyebrows. “So you drove here while unconscious.” 

Evan shrugs. “Driving is pretty low on the anxiety inducing things I do every day,” he admits. “I’m panicking about a midterm paper right now, I see mitochondria when I sleep.” 

Connor rips the piece of bagel he’s holding up into smaller pieces. “I’m sure Jared loves that.” 

“The dreamscape is a strict no science zone,” Evan says. “Not that that matters right now, because Jared isn’t here. Are you okay? You wanted to talk?” 

Connor brushes his hair out of his eyes. “Am I ever?” he grumbles. “I don’t know. Midterms stress plus soulmate stress just makes me feel fucking…weird and I didn’t want to be in our dorm room anymore. You’re kind of my only friend, so…” Connor lifts a piece of bagel to Evan in a toast. 

Evan nods slowly. “What kind of soulmate stuff?” 

“I told my soulmate that I didn’t think she was real and now she’s mad at me.” 

Evan silently slides the coffee back over to Connor. 

Connor takes a long sip even though he’s not really a fan of coffee. He feels gross. Weird. It really is a mix of everything in his life falling to pieces at once. He kind of wishes Zoe were here to yell some sense into him. 

“Did you ever think Jared wasn’t real?” he asks. 

“I mean…” Evan shakes his head. “That— no. I was… _ we _ were eight. So it was still…pretty sure I still believed in like. The monster under my bed. Like, I still thought my dad was going to come back at some point. We were all pretending that Santa was real for the Christian kids at school. Imaginary friends were still pretty like…acceptable? So I just, I never had a point where I didn’t believe. And then he was, you know, he was Jared.” 

“Hm.” 

“I don’t…” Evan fiddles with his fingers. “I don’t know what it would be like to…not know? I can’t really remember much of it and things might’ve,” he laughs nervously, “gotten really bad if…if this weren’t a thing. I just got lucky. Really lucky.” He glances up at Connor. “I don’t know your soulmate, so…I don’t know what she would want to hear. But she might just, like, want reassurance that she’s important to you. You know?” 

Connor gives him a bored look. “I’m bad at emotions when I  _ have _ visible facial features, Hansen.” 

Evan shrugs. “I never said I was any better.” 

Connor looks down at the torn up bagel. 

“I  _ am _ better at biology, though, if you want any help with studying for the final.” 

Connor forces a smile. “Are you going to save my grade, Hansen?” he asks. 

Evan shakes the cup and then drains the rest of the coffee. “I’m sure going to try.”

* * *

 

Jared is out, but he’s covered Connor’s desk in a layer of sticky notes. Because he’s an asshole. 

The sticky note in the center of the desk has ‘Alana Beck - Soulmate Scientist™’ scrawled on it, with her phone number scribbled beneath. Connor starts peeling off the sticky notes and dumping them on Jared’s desk, drawing a hand giving the middle finger on one and sticking it on the top of the pile. He’ll find some way to get back at Jared later, but for now he settles for texting Evan ‘your soulmates an asshole’ and opens up a random textbook and pretends to be working. 

Connor answers the Skype call as soon as it pops up on his laptop. 

“ _ Convincing _ ,” Zoe says with a flat look on her face. “ _ The books almost make you seem like a student _ .” 

Connor sticks his tongue out at her. “I spent all morning studying,  _ thank you very much _ .” 

She stifles a yawn. “ _ Cool cool, how was your week or whatever. _ ” 

“Shitty,” Connor admits. “Yours?”

Zoe makes a so-so motion with her hand. “ _ I still think the wind ensemble director hates me _ .” 

“And I still think you should tell him to go stick a trumpet up his ass.” 

“ _ Gross. Still gross. _ ” 

Connor shrugs. 

“ _ What’s made your week so shitty? _ ” she asks. She twists her hair up and sticks a pencil through it. 

Connor flips through his textbook, skimming the words and diagrams before turning the page. “Made my soulmate angry.” 

“ _ Ouch _ .” 

“Yeah.” 

Connor knows basically as much about Zoe’s soulmate as his own. When they were little, they’d talk about their soulmates all the time, they’d basically wake up and then start repeating everything that happened. Zoe used to think it wasn’t fair that she wasn’t able to talk to Connor’s soulmate, because they shared everything, even a bedroom, but as they got older and things got rocky, it was probably nice to have someone completely separate from him. Connor’s soulmate didn’t always love when Connor complained about Zoe, but she listened and then gave him advice, even if he usually didn’t follow it. 

“ _ Did you apologize? _ ” Zoe asks. 

“Not…exactly,” Connor says slowly. 

She rolls her eyes. “ _ Why not? What’d you do, anyway? _ ” 

Connor shrugs. “Told her I thought she might not exist.” 

Zoe puts her head down on her desk. “ _ Connor, you suck _ .” Connor grins and Zoe’s head snaps up as she points at him through the screen. “ _ Do not. Do not under any circumstances make the joke, or I will block you. _ ” 

“Mom wouldn’t be cool with that.” 

Zoe narrows her eyes at him. “ _ Try me _ .” 

Connor holds up his hands. “Fine, fine, whatever. Just fucking…bestow your sisterly wisdom on me or whatever so I can go to sleep and fix this.” 

Zoe laughs. “ _ Oh no, you’re stuck with me for the next hour, because I found a new show on Netflix and I refuse to watch it without you. Think of it as payment for my ‘sisterly wisdom’ _ .” 

Connor scowls and drags a hand through his hair. “Fine. It’s your fault that I won’t study tonight, though.” 

She shrugs. “ _ Didn’t you say you studied all morning? _ ” She raises her eyebrows. 

He ignores her. “Just tell me what to do, okay? Jared keeps trying to get me to text this Beck person about soulmates because he thinks I’m depressed and that statistics will help.” 

“ _ You are depressed _ .” 

“Yeah, but not because I pissed off my soulmate!” 

“ _ I think it’s sweet that Jared’s trying to help, _ ” Zoe says as Connor glares at her. “ _ If you won’t talk to his person, I will, because  _ I’m  _ interested in stats, I’m just too lazy to find them from good sources. As for your soulmate, she’s always seemed to like straightforward people. Tell her you’re sorry and if something still feels off, ask if there’s anything you can do to help. Communication. _ ” 

“I hate when you tell me to communicate with people,” Connor grumbles. 

Zoe waves a hand. “ _ Whatever, I’m older, so listen to me. I’m old and wise and know the ways of the world. _ ” 

“Just fucking— set up the show, Zo, I refuse to fight with you about who’s older right now.” 

She smiles. “Yeah, because you’ll lose.”

* * *

 

Connor wakes up earlier than usual, mostly because Jared is crashing around their dorm room like a bull in a chinashop. Connor squints as Jared pulls up the blinds and sunlight floods the room. Jared opens the window and the room fills with bird calls. Connor groans and covers his head with his pillow as Jared closes the window again. 

“What the fuck are you  _ doing _ ?” Connor asks, voice muffled. 

“Trying to get my life together,” Jared says. 

Connor lifts the pillow. Jared is standing in the middle of the room in his boxers and a binder, staring at his desk like it holds the secrets of the universe.

“The fuck?” 

“I lost my phone.” 

“What time is it?” 

“I don’t know because  _ I lost my phone _ .” 

Connor pulls his phone from the charger and puts in the password before chucking it at Jared. Jared steps back and it hits the side of his desk before clattering to the floor. 

“Thanks, man.” 

“Please shut up and close the blinds.” 

Jared paces around the room with Connor’s phone pressed to his ear and closes the blinds when Connor glares at him. Eventually, they hear Jared’s muffled ringtone — the one set specifically for Connor — which means that it’s Welcome to the Black Parade, because Jared took one look at Connor the day they met and said “You definitely listened to MCR and Evanescence.” 

“Turn it off,” Connor groans. “I want to  _ sleep _ .” 

“Not my fault you stayed up all night watching whatever the fuck with your sister.” Jared digs his phone out from under a pile of laundry and lets the song play out longer. 

Connor rolls over and glares at the wall. Jared hangs up and Connor’s phone is dropped onto his bed. 

“Thanks, I’d say I owe you, but—” 

“Go away.” 

“Yup, okay, bye.” 

Jared is out of the dorm a few minutes later and Connor can finally go the fuck back to sleep.

* * *

 

Connor reads through his notifications as he slowly gets ready for the day. He has class in an hour and should really grab a bite to eat before that, but he might just swipe some of Jared’s granola bars and eat them during his lecture. He deletes spam emails and replies to Zoe’s many texts — she’s a multitexter when she can’t sleep and devoted most of her texts to theories about the show they’re now four episodes into — before noticing a number he doesn’t recognize in his recent texts.

He opens the conversation with a frown. 

**From: Unknown Number** **  
** **To: Unknown Number** **  
**      hi this is jareds friend connor he told me to text you about soulmate stuff? 

**From: Unknown Number** **  
** **To: Connor** **  
** Hi Connor! I’m Alana, Jared mentioned that you might be in touch!  
     What do you want to know about soulmates, anything specific? I can definitely find you some articles and readings if you’re interested, I recently read a fascinating essay about soulmates and neural pathways, or I can just try to answer any questions you have!  
     Feel free to ask anything, and I’ll see what I can do. I’m very knowledgeable in this area but I’m no expert. I can reach out to some of my contacts if I can’t answer something, and also I’m always happy to simplify some of the more confusing theories and terminology. 

_ Jared _ . 

Connor sends a quick text to Jared. It just says ‘fuck you’, but Jared will no doubt know what he means. Fucker. 

Connor reads Alana’s texts a few more times. There’s a lot of words and he’s not totally awake. Eventually, he just locks his phone and goes to class. He’ll deal with it later.

* * *

 

Connor eats lunch with Evan, who’s cramming for a math final like the world is about to end. Which it might. That’d be preferable to taking their bio midterm, but Connor admits that triggering the apocalypse to avoid something that isn’t even their final is maybe a little dramatic. 

He eats a shitty cheeseburger and finally responds to Alana. 

**From: Connor** **  
** **To: alana aka that soulmate person** **  
** hey sorry i was in class and also i didnt send that first message  
     jared did this morning when he used my phone to call his own 

It doesn’t take too long for her to respond, but in the time it does, Connor buys him and Evan smoothies from the only good food place in the dining hall and throws out the rest of his cheeseburger. 

**From: alana aka that soulmate person** **  
** **To: Connor** **  
** Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know that. I can delete your number from my phone if you would like

 **From: Connor** **  
** **To: alana aka that soulmate person** **  
** dont sweat it its whatever i just dont have anything to ask  
     unless youre really good at peopl

 **From: alana aka that soulmate person** **  
** **To: Connor** **  
** What do you mean by that? 

**From: Connor** **  
** **To: alana aka that soulmate person** **  
** said something that upset my soulmate the other day and now things are weird

 **From: alana aka that soulmate person** **  
** **To: Connor** **  
** Oh. I don’t know if I’ll be much help in that specific situation. I’m not necessarily very good at interpersonal relations.   
     However, I recently had a slightly uncomfortable conversation with my own soulmate and think it may have affected our relationship as well. Personally, I’m just attempting to move on and act like it didn’t happen, but I don’t know if it’s working that well, not sure if it’s worth a try

 **From: Connor** **  
** **To: alana aka that soulmate person** **  
** that bites what happened  


 **From: alana aka that soulmate person** **  
** **To: Connor** **  
** You want to know? We hardly know each other

 **From: Connor** **  
** **To: alana aka that soulmate person** **  
** i mean its this or study so sure  
     i can be nonbiased or whatever

 **From: alana aka that soulmate person** **  
** **To: Connor** **  
** Hm a nonbiased opinion could be useful. I’ll spare the details because they’re personal to my soulmate and while they may make some things more understandable, it’s not my place to share them 

**From: Connor** **  
** **To: alana aka that soulmate person** **  
** yeah sure go for it  
     cant promise good advice but my best friend just talks at me until he figures it out himself usually

Connor yawns and meets Evan’s eyes. Evan raises his eyebrows. Connor raises his own. Evan spins around his laptop. 

“Does this sentence sound terrible?” he asks. 

Connor blinks. “I thought you were studying numbers and shit.” 

“Yeah, but I’m writing a paper at the same time. Multitasking, because— okay, so this is due in two days and it’s—” 

Connor reads the last sentence Evan’s typed out. “Sounds fine to me.” 

Evan chews on his bottom lip. “I don’t like english,” he mutters. He turns his laptop back around and taps the table a few times. “I don’t like this.” 

“Send it to me?” Connor asks. 

Evan nods and Connor pulls out his own laptop. As it boots up, he reads the new messages from Alana. 

**From: alana aka that soulmate person** **  
** **To: Connor** **  
** Alright  
     My soulmate recently found out two of his friends are soulmates, and I believe it put him into a sort of crisis. When we were talking about it he said that he hadn’t always been sure I was real. He’s mentioned paranoia plenty of times, but there was something very shocking about being told he thought I could just be a figment of my imagination. I attempted to brush it off but I don’t think I dealt with it or the emotions surrounding that experience very well, so things have been… I suppose you could say tense

“Connor?” Evan asks. “Are you okay?” 

“Um…” 

Evan reaches across the table and touches his shoulder. “Hey, is everything alright?” 

Connor can’t pull his eyes away from his phone. He swallows thickly. “I…don’t know?” His phone vibrates with a new message. 

**From: alana aka that soulmate person** **  
** **To: Connor** **  
** That was more words than I realized, I’m so sorry. The problem with asking for outside help with soulmates is that soulmates inherently have such an intimate relationship that can be kind of hard to explain them specifically to others.   
     The problem quite literally only exists in my mind, which makes it even more difficult. There’s no body language or facial cues to read— not that I’ve ever been the most fluent at that. I’m rambling and possibly revealing too much, all this is just to say that I personally believe this is one of the difficulties with soulmates. Our problems with our soulmates can be difficult to deal with, because they take place in a confined place with restricted communication, and so far there is no way to sever the connection should a problem become more severe.   
     I don’t think any of this is helping you, but possibly discussing the problem you have further with your soulmate may be helpful? There really is no good way to go about it when there’s nothing tangible in our minds

 **From: Connor** **  
** **To: alana aka that soulmate person** **  
** oh fuck  
     its you isnt it

* * *

 

Alana is still just the vague shape of a human being when Connor falls asleep. It’s harder than usual, because he knows what’s waiting and he’s kind of terrified. He doesn’t know why— usually he doesn’t really care too much about change. But this… _ shit. _

“Am I supposed to know what you look like now?” he asks. 

Alana smiles. He can’t see it, but he knows she does. “You would have to know what I look like before you can dream it.” 

That makes sense. “So what you’re saying is we need to video chat.” 

She laughs. “Not necessarily, but yes, that’s an option.” 

Connor watches her. “Sorry for not thinking you’re real.” 

She looks away for a second before she looks back. “It’s okay. Thank you for listening to me ramble on about nonsense when you didn’t even know me.” 

Connor leans against some sort of solid surface his mind has made. “I always listen to you ramble.” 

“I guess that’s true.” 

“So what do you want to ramble about tonight?” 

Alana settles down on the floor of their dreamscape and he joins her. “I had a lecture today,” she starts. 

“Which professor? The philosophy one or the lit one?” 

“Philosophy one. His name is Professor Grasso, by the way.” 

Grasso. Connor runs the name over in his mind. He thinks it’ll stick, this time. He thinks all the little things are going to start to stick. “I hate that guy.” 

“So do I.” Alana leans back on her hands. “Do you need context?” 

Connor shakes his head. “Just go.” 

He doesn’t entirely understand what she’s talking about, but he doesn’t need to. He’s never had to. They listen to each other and they exist. And it’s all okay. 

**Author's Note:**

> endless shrug emojis 
> 
> this turned out way longer than it shouldve been but when have i been known to stfu? never!!! (the sister alana mentions is theo bc i love her) uhhhhhhhhh inconsistencies. consider them...intentional? its 1 am im going to bed
> 
> im on [tumblr](http://zoemurph.tumblr.com) if you wanna bug me there ive got a few more of these up my sleeve if i stop being lazy


End file.
